It’s OK to believe in life after love. Cher if u agree

oh my god.

(Source: veryraresecrete, via cherryseltzer)

WANT.
#AccidentalArt

#AccidentalArt

(Source: porflavor)

Two thoughts on “Dark Horse” by Katy Perry

neveralovelysoreal:

1) Radio mixes that leave out the Juicy J part are just racist, right?

2) I don’t think that Katy Perry, or whoever wrote the song, understands what a dark horse is.

I’ve somehow internalized this post, & now I have these two thoughts whenever I hear “Dark Horse” by Katy Perry (even though I don’t think I’ve ever heard a de-Juicy-J’d version & I hope I  never do).

my third “Dark Horse” by Katy Perry–related thought is to think about this baby who loves that song far more I ever will (brought to you by my mom’s facebook page on August 10th):

a friend sent me this with the comment: ”at the part of this video where the singer is frolicking in the park in her light blue shirt - I totally envisioned [nonvolleyball] singing it!”

I’m not sure I see it (although I suspect it’s influenced by seeing photos of me wearing a similar blue tee/leather wristcuff combo from ancient-history Guitar Hero sessions with his husband), but anyway…

TL;DR, this is stuck in my head now.

cherrispryte:

misty-tears:

awwww-cute:

Moment of bravery at the vet

THIS LITTLE MUNCHKIN OH LORDD

CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS FACE

this is my favorite type of dog & if I ever saw the puppy version IRL I would probably lose my mind.

cherrispryte:

misty-tears:

awwww-cute:

Moment of bravery at the vet

THIS LITTLE MUNCHKIN OH LORDD

CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS FACE

this is my favorite type of dog & if I ever saw the puppy version IRL I would probably lose my mind.

tastefullyoffensive:

The Adventures of George Washington (Part 2) by LadyHistory [more]

Previously: Part One

sure, why not. (part one is good too.)

also:

"you can wear what you’re wearing; just put on a bra."

— the spouse of someone who works from home attempting to coax her into leaving the apartment for lunch.

rubyvroom:

fleetwytchmac:

decadentlullaby:

When women used to be depressed or were not “taking care of their men” properly their husbands could send them to the psych ward for attitude adjustments. This was part of conditioning them to always wear a smile. They believed that if a woman saw herself smiling that it would become natural practice and that she would be “cured”. This often went along with shock therapies.

CREEPY.

Random guy on the street today: Smile, honey, it’s not so bad.

okay, so obviously the annals of psychiatric care are filled with “treatments” of dubious benefit, but…really? how could anyone honestly claim that “seeing yourself with a creepy drawn-on smile taped to your face” was in any way beneficial? “wow, gee, this looks great—I should totally smile more. also you’re completely right that smiling more will alleviate my legitimate depression. thanks, doc!”

rubyvroom:

fleetwytchmac:

decadentlullaby:

When women used to be depressed or were not “taking care of their men” properly their husbands could send them to the psych ward for attitude adjustments. This was part of conditioning them to always wear a smile. They believed that if a woman saw herself smiling that it would become natural practice and that she would be “cured”. This often went along with shock therapies.

CREEPY.

Random guy on the street today: Smile, honey, it’s not so bad.

okay, so obviously the annals of psychiatric care are filled with “treatments” of dubious benefit, but…really? how could anyone honestly claim that “seeing yourself with a creepy drawn-on smile taped to your face” was in any way beneficial? “wow, gee, this looks great—I should totally smile more. also you’re completely right that smiling more will alleviate my legitimate depression. thanks, doc!”

worn-smooth:

nonvolleyball:

worn-smooth:

Had a really difficult Labor Day weekend with my mother. She just had knee replacement surgery, so was in pain and on lots of meds and her boundaries and filters were even more compromised than usual.

She’s my mother, so I always have to be conscious of not reverting to being a teenager around her…

1) I still occasionally fall into the teenager-reversion trap around my mother, although the last time we spent a prolonged period of time together she was regressing due to the presence of HER mother, & I somehow managed to be the “calm one” which was almost more annoying. I wanted to freak out & scream histrionically but also didn’t want to make things any worse than they already were for the other assembled family members (most of whom were just trying to stay out of their way). those mother/daughter dynamics may evolve, but they never really change on a fundamental level.

2) gender shit is high on my (long) list of Reasons I Remain Unenthusiastic about the Prospect of Parenthood in the Near Future. it just sounds exhausting to balance your own perspectives, age-appropriate language, & the cultural miasma your kid will inevitably experience. weirdly, Carolyn Hax deals with this same issue (smartly, I think) in her latest column:

Unfortunately, though, the shaming and its correction are all thought up by adults but executed by innocent proxies, the children themselves. And so wrapping your nephew in pink and sending him off to fight . . . his? our? gender battle is an uneasy mix of empowering, naive and cruel.

…& while I agree with her, that’s an observation, not a solution. blah.

I found Hax’s treatment of the topic pretty unsatisfying.  Saying, “over the course of a childhood, everyone gets mocked for something,” overlooks how kids get specifically picked on for race, class, ethnicity, language, culture, gender, weight, disability, social anxiety.  Basically, all the stuff that is stigmatized in adult society.

Questions about how much to change your child so they fit in are a basic part of arguments about assimilation.  It’s just that nerdiness and gender are the main issues that white middle class parents deal with in terms of assimilation.

There’s also the issues of what it means to be a non-gender conforming child.  What does it mean in terms of future sexuality?  What does it mean in terms of future gender identity?  The issue of pre-pubescent trans identities seems really confusing and contentious, and like parents are flying blind.

When I came out to my mother, her literal first reaction was to say that she was sorry she dressed me in gender-neutral colors and didn’t let me have Barbie dolls when I was little (and she was a hippie).  And a bunch of my relatives probably did blame her.

huh, that’s really interesting. I guess I came at the column both as a pretty established Hax devotee (so with benefit-of-the-doubt fully in place) & also considering the fact that her readership likely includes the types of people who’d “blame” parents for “causing” their child’s gender-noncomformity.

because for every parent who’s trying their best to fight the good fight against societal assimilation (whether re: nerdiness/gender or otherwise) there are countless others who are just trying to “help” their kids by making it easier for them to “fit in” (my airquotes-finger is really getting a workout today). I’m assuming Hax’s readers are predominantly in the white/middle-class camp, but may not have the same perspective on letting your kid express themselves, so approaching it pragmatically on the side of “don’t gender-police” makes sense to me (especially since she seemed to also be hedging against “Look at My Trans Kid in Training & How Much We Support Them” overcorrection in response to, say, a boy expressing an interest in wearing pink).

but mainly it just resonated me because I think a lot about the “right” way to approach gender w/r/t childrearing, & it constantly baffles me. any hypothetical child I’d have would be coming into the world with a lot of privileges in place, save a genetic predisposition to nerdiness. I’m interested in trying to keep things gender-neutral, but I also know that culture does a great job of inculcating gendered affinities from an early age. so (for example) how can I reconcile the well-documented problematic aspects of Barbie with the fact that acting out little plays via my Barbie dolls was one of my favorite childhood pastimes? & more importantly, how does one find that balance in a way that’s not about my desire to perform parenthood in a particular way, but is instead about actually doing what’s best for the kid?

…to say nothing about the impossibility of “how does anyone EVER know what’s best for a kid,” which may explain why I’ve made it to my early 30s without embarking on parenthood.